Heartstrings Unraveled? Weave your relationship back together

John and Ruby lived in a small town where they had studied together and dated since childhood. Both were intelligent and graduated with honors. John worked in a big investment firm, and Ruby wrote scripts for Hollywood movies. They met on weekends to discuss their long-term goals, envisioning their best selves and supporting each other. Eventually, they got married. However, after marriage, they became more aware of each other's behaviors and habits. John often argued with his seniors at work and vented his frustrations by chatting with old friends and watching Instagram reels after returning home. He believed he was protecting Ruby from workplace stress by not discussing it with her. Meanwhile, Ruby longed to spend quality time with her husband, but John's routine consumed most of his evenings. As time passed, Ruby felt increasingly ignored, leading to mounting frustrations. One day, unable to contain her feelings any longer, she confronted John about the issue. Already stressed from work, John reacted defensively, raising his voice and bringing up past grievances instead of addressing Ruby's concerns. The conversation devolved into a blame game, escalating into a heated argument that ultimately damaged their relationship.

The story offers many valuable insights and emphasizes how a small conversation, if not handled properly, has the potential to derail relationships.

Conversations play a crucial role in our life. We express our emotions and thoughts through them. Despite their importance, nobody teaches us how to communicate effectively. We often experience significant psychological friction when engaged in difficult conversations.

Wait! A difficult conversation. What exactly is the meaning of difficult conversation?

When the story we have fabricated does not align with the other person's narrative, it often leads to an argument. This argument makes the conversation difficult. The gap between what we are thinking and what we are saying makes communication challenging. Argument leads us nowhere because they inhibit our ability to understand how the other person perceives the world. A conflict arises when the other person doesn't behave in the way we want them to.

In the fantastic book "Difficult Conversations" written by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, the authors describe there are three layers of conversations:

1. The What Happened Conversation?

2. The Feelings Conversation

3. The Identity Conversation

Let's dive deep to understand each layer to communicate effectively in our lives.

The What Happened Conversation? : It focuses on disagreements regarding facts and events. Ruby initiated this type of conversation because she wanted to feel loved and spend time with John, leading her to express her disagreements. In response, John reacted emotionally and began arguing over who was right or wrong which escalated into a blame game. Blame injures relations and causes pain and anxiety, inhibiting our ability to understand the root cause of the problem and take meaningful action to resolve it. The cycle of mutual finger-pointing often turns toxic, preventing constructive dialogue and deeper understanding.

How to deal with situations when we are stuck in such scenarios?

Shifting your perspective from certainty (I am right, you are wrong) to curiosity ("What's your perspective") can significantly improve conflict resolution. If John had asked Ruby, "Tell me your perspective on the current scenario," he would have been better positioned to handle the conflict. John and Ruby viewed the situation through different lenses and created different narratives. John didn't want to burden Ruby with his office dynamics, while Ruby felt neglected because he spent much of his time talking to his old friend and watching Instagram Reels.

You might be wondering, Why do people form different narratives about the same situation.

People have different stories because they interpret the facts in various ways. An emotionally intelligent person understands that there are things they might not be aware of. The best way to preserve a relationship is to assume that there is an important out there that I may not have access to.

Indeed, it is true in the case of John and Ruby.

Instead of asking, How can they think like that?

Consider asking, What information do they have that I don't have access to?

Rather than questioning, How can they be so irrational?

Ask yourself, how might they see the world so that their view makes sense? Why is it always the case that the other person is selfish, naive, controlling, or Irrational? Why not me?

The best strategy for handling What Happened? conversation is to avoid making assumptions about intentions and ask open-ended questions to understand the other person's perspective.

In any conflict, ask yourself, "What have I contributed to the situation"?

If John and Ruby had challenged their assumptions and reflected on their contribution, it might have preserved their romantic relationship. Blame involves judging and contribution focuses on understanding. Recognizing contribution is valuable when our goal is to comprehend what actually occurred, allowing us to improve how we maintain the relationship in the future.

Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation. Oscar Wilde

People often find themselves in trouble when they adopt a victim mentality. Oh dear! the fault lies not in our stars, but in the way we think. Many people tend to focus on negative outcomes and harbor negative thoughts about others. They often endorse these negative thoughts without challenging them. There is an evolutionary reason for this tendency. Pessimistic traits were passed down to us from our ancestors because they offered a survival advantage. However, we are no longer living in the jungle, and we don't have to fear being eaten by lions. When we feel hurt by someone's behavior, we may assume the worst due to this evolutionary programming. The conclusions we draw about other's intentions based on their actions are rarely charitable and often incorrect.

Negativity can damage relationships. When we believe others have bad intentions towards us, it negatively affects our behavior. In turn, how we behave influences how they treat us. Our assumption that others harbor negative intentions often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading us to fall into the abyss of negativity. When we are entrenched in this mindset, we become so absorbed in our narrative about their intentions that we struggle to consider any alternative perspectives.

A positive mindset is the only way forward. It is essential to work hard on yourself to override this evolutionary programming. The limitations of the human mind can sometimes feel endless. Reflect deeply about your intentions as they send a positive signal to the other person about the relationship. This is the most meaningful contribution you can make to someone who matters to you.

Feelings Conversation: Emotions are at the heart of difficult conversations, yet they are often ignored or mishandled. When Ruby expressed her feelings to John, she sought love and acknowledgment from him; both had suppressed their feelings. People often refrain from expressing their true feelings out of fear that it might ruin their relationship. However, by not addressing these feelings, resentment can slowly build up and eventually contaminate the relationship.

How do we know that we have suppressed our feelings?

When there is a strong urge to blame the other person, it serves as a clue to find your repressed feelings. The repressed emotions often leak into the conversation through tone, defensiveness, and avoidance. This tendency also hampers our ability to listen attentively.

What should you do when you discover your repressed feelings?

Invite the other person to express his feelings, and be sure to share yours as well without blame, attribution, or judgment to maintain a harmonious relationship. It's natural and normal to have feelings as they are akin to our arms and legs. Feelings don't harm others unless we use them to lash out or inflict pain. Just as we can't control how others react, we can control how we respond. It’s perfectly acceptable to validate someone’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with them.

When John shouted at Ruby, it sent a wrong signal to her, suggesting that she should not express her feelings and should keep her problems to herself. Unexpressed feelings take a toll on self-esteem and eventually ruin the relationship.

The Identity Conversation: This is the internal dialogue that reflects how the conversation impacts your self-image (eg: "Am I competent?" or "Am I a good husband?") John viewed himself as a loving husband so when Ruby told him that she no longer felt loved, he perceived it as an attack on his self-image and reacted with anger. When our self-image is threatened, we may either enter a state of denial or respond with exaggerated emotions both of which can ultimately damage the relationship.

How to improve identity-related issues?

Be aware of your identity issues and strive to gain an accurate picture of who you truly are. Think highly of yourself while recognizing that there is always a room for improvement. The more readily one can admit their mistakes, acknowledge mixed intentions, and recognize their contribution to the problem, the more balanced one will feel during the difficult conversation. This awareness increases the likelihood that the conversation will go well. Remember, mistakes don't define you and are part of the learning process. Focus on learning rather than proving yourself. Often, what makes a situation challenging is more related to what is happening within you than to the dynamics between you and the other person.

"And Stance" is an approach described by Shiela Heen to handle the difficult conversation. It emphasizes holding your perspective while genuinely exploring the other. This approach acknowledges that multiple valid truths can exist regarding the same situation, allowing both parties to assert their views and feelings without diminishing each other's experiences.

If John had engaged in active listening while conversing with Ruby, he might have avoided the conflict that ensued. By holding his perspective without diminishing Ruby's views, John could have created a more supportive environment. Instead of framing their discussion as a right vs. wrong scenario, viewing it through the lens of joint contribution would have helped them collaborate effectively and find common ground.

The art of conversation lies in listening. Malcolm Forbes

Mastering the art of listening requires authenticity at its core. People pay attention not only to your words but also to the non-verbal cues that you convey through your posture, facial expressions, and tone of voice. To truly connect with others, it is essential to be present and engaged.

What are the qualities of a good listener?

1. They are inquisitive and want to learn by asking open-ended questions.

2. Paraphrase to avoid misunderstanding.

3. Empathize with others to acknowledge their feelings.

Relationships are the key to happiness. The only thing that matters is the quality of connections we build with the people we love. Assuming an infinite time horizon can lead to the neglect of these relationships, causing them to deteriorate to a point of no return. Just as muscles atrophy when neglected, so too do relationships. The depth of any relationship is built through honesty, support(sitting with them in the darkness during their struggle), and shared experiences(sharing positive and negative experiences). It is essential to recognize that we cannot change others. The paradox lies in the fact that trying to change others rarely results in meaningful transformation. It often leads to frustration and resistance. On the other hand, engaging your loved ones in a conversation where mutual learning is the goal often results in a change.

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Photo by Colin Maynard on Unsplash

The Way of Love

An old man lived in a village with his wife and a son. Every day he went to the forest to cut down trees and sold the chopped wood in the market. The earned money was spent to meet the daily needs of the family. They were living a simple and happy life. One day the son requested his father that he wanted to go with him in the forest. When they reached the middle of the forest, suddenly sky started thundering. The deafening sound was an indication of a big storm. They stood aside and patiently waited for the storm to pass away. The storm vanished after an hour. The little boy was flabbergasted to see that the big and strong trees were crumbled by the strength of a storm but nothing seemed to happen to a tiny grass. It remained the same as it was before the storm. The boy was curious to know the answer so he asked the question to his father. He replied, "My dear son it's a very deep observation." You have to understand a few laws of life to find the answer to this beautiful question. Let's discuss them one by one.

1. Don't be too rigid but remain flexible while dealing with the circumstances of life. The stiff trees were uprooted but the flexible grass remained intact. The rigidity not only applies to physical objects but also to thoughts. Have strong opinions but hold them loosely. Some people are too rigid and don't want to change themselves with the changing dynamics of the environment. Therefore, demolish their self in the process. Intelligence is the updation of beliefs with the arrival of new information.

2. Never become egoistic about the power, strength, beauty, wealth, etc. Learn to bow down and surrender the results of the actions to the higher power(God) while dealing with uncontrolled events. The big trees refused to bend against the flow of the wind whereas a tiny grass is dancing in the storm. Always be humble no matter how powerful and intelligent you are. Control the controllable and be wise enough to discern what is under and beyond your control.

Did you grasp the crux of the beautiful story?

Yup, you get it right. Ego is our biggest enemy. It's an abstract entity that creates an illusion of separateness. It is so subtle yet one of the most dangerous things in the world. It ruins the harmonious relationship among people. We rarely fight with the external world but the real fight is within ourselves. Dealing with life-threatening thought patterns and learning to soothe ourselves is the biggest art in the contemporary world.

If ego is so unhealthy then what is its antidote?

Spiritual Love is an antidote to ego. It is unconditional and never diminishes with time. It's an acceptance of the other person irrespective of his virtues and vices. Love and ego can't exist together.

Did you notice the word spiritual? You might be asking yourself What is Spirituality?

Spirituality is when I close my eyes I feel immense peace within me and when I open my eyes a holy voice within me says, "Hey, What can I do for You?". Materialism is when I close my eyes I feel disturbance and chaos within me and when I open my eyes a wicked voice within me says, "What can I get from you?"

Why are we interested in cultivating love and freeing ourselves from the shackles of ego?

To put an end to suffering and freedom from the cycle of birth and death. In Sanskrit, it is called Moksha.

The path of knowledge(Jnana Yoga) and the path of love(Bhakti Yoga) are one of the many ways to attain moksha. Mistakes are the byproduct of ignorance and knowledge is the solution to ignorance. The essence of Jnana Yoga is to remain aware of the unmanifested form(Nameless and Formless) in everybody. It is very difficult to tread on the path of Jnana yoga. We experience the external world through our senses and recognize them through their name and form. Therefore, it's difficult to meditate upon the unmanifested form.

In Jnana yoga, a spiritual seeker has to purify himself by subduing his senses. He needs to have firm control of his mind and be at ease with himself. The path of knowledge is like a king. The king(knowledge) would like to go to a clean place( a body free from impurities like lust, jealousy, envy, etc.). Therefore, the path of knowledge becomes too steep to climb for some spiritual seekers.

It's easy to walk on the path of love to attain self-realization. Humans are identified with physical forms and have lots of desires. A lord can be a merciful father, a divine mother, a wise friend, or a beloved. Choose whatever suits you the best. If desires are there in you then let them be but replace them with God. If the mind is restless then let it be restless for God. Therefore, worshipping the lord in the form of name and form is easy for spiritual seekers.

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. Rumi

The path of love is like a female servant who upon entering the house will clean up everything. There is no need to follow strict spiritual discipline in the path of love. The impurities will wither away with time. In Sanskrit, Bhakti Yoga is similar to a Bhikshu pada prasarana. A beggar requesting a little space to stretch his legs. After some time, he requests for a space in the other corner to keep the statue of a holy Lord. Later, he needs a separate space in the kitchen to prepare food for the lord. As time went by, he occupied the entire house. Spiritual love is like a beggar which upon entering the heart will occupy the entire body.

When will be the best time to implant the seed of love?

Sow the seed of love in your heart in the moods of extreme emotions(Happiness or Sadness).

What are the attributes of Spiritual love?

No Bargaining is the first attribute of Spiritual Love. There will not be any conditioning in spiritual love like I will give X amount of devotion and you will give me Y Rupees in return. Shopkeeping is not allowed in spiritual love. It is pure and unconditional.

Fearlessness is the second attribute of spiritual love. As long as we think God is somebody who is sitting above the clouds who rewards or punishes us according to our actions is nothing but fear. Fear resides deep within us that if we don't worship him then he will punish us. Pure love is when we do something for others without any fear. A woman is walking on the street and suddenly a loin comes in front of her. She immediately hides herself in the other corner of the street. But if a woman is walking with her child then she happily goes into the mouth of a lion to protect her child. Love knows no fear. The love of a mother is purest for her child. In spiritual love, we are the means and the other becomes the end. We rarely care about our happiness and are concerned only with the happiness of our beloved.

Love is the highest ideal in spirituality. Many times we see a beautiful girl loving an ugly boy. To onlookers, the boy appeared to be very ugly but to a girl, he is the most handsome boy in the entire world. She projects her ideal of beauty onto him. Therefore, he looks most handsome to her. The underlying idea is we are projecting our ideals into the world. The external world gives suggestions that act as a benchmark to measure our spiritual growth. When a grain of sand is washed into the shell of an oyster, the irritation caused by the sand produces a secretion that is converted into a beautiful pearl. When one successfully passes through the stages of no bargaining and fearlessness, he becomes pure and everything appears beautiful to him. To the wicked, the world is hell and to a saint, the world is heaven.

A child is the most selfish creature in the world. He only cares about himself. When he becomes young and falls in love with a girl, the love spreads from one to two people. The love grows from two to many when he becomes a father. He becomes perfect by following the right spiritual practices and the love moves from many to everyone. He enters into a superconscious state and goes beyond the cycle of birth and death.

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. Emily Bronte

What are the best spiritual practices that help a spiritual seeker to attain the superconscious state?

1. Name: Enchant the name of God with love. The name and the person to which it points are the same because the name and the form are inseparable. Create one and the other immediately enters from the backdoor. Whenever you are sitting in a bus or walking on the street enchant the name of holy God within yourself. The mind becomes pure and you will be free from negative thoughts. With time you will start feeling deep silence within yourself. Your happiness is no longer dependent on anybody. Bliss starts coming from within yourself.

2. Form: Meditate upon the form of the lord. If it seems difficult then simply look at the image of the lord with love. A magnet covered with a cloud of dust is unable to attract a piece of iron. Similarly, a body full of lust, jealousy, envy, etc. is no longer attracted to God. Keep meditating on the form and the impurities within you will wither away with time. You will start seeing the results within you after a few months.

3. Powerful: The way of love is a life-positive spiritual practice. It is not against the world. Whenever you encounter anything powerful or beautiful immediately attach it to God. Suppose you saw a beautiful girl in the street, pause and become aware of the being that gives her immense beauty. There is no need to go to the forest and turn your back against the world. Live in the beautiful galaxy of ours and appreciate the beauty. Enjoy the spiritual as well as the materialistic world.

4. Nature: Spend some time in nature. Enjoy the greenery of the trees and see how it soothes your eyes. Relish the beauty, smile, and dance of tiny flowers in the wind. When you observe the silence of trees then you will start feeling it within yourself. Be grateful to the Lord that you are alive and seeing the beauty of our Mother Earth.

5. Oneness: Life is a sum of experiences. Things keep on changing around us but the experiencer remains the same. There is something within us that is observing everything but is beyond the pain or pleasure. Attain the highest state by becoming aware of it. It is a thread running through all the life forms and helping us to realize oneness. All are the same and nobody is higher or lower. Duality clubs and unity appear everywhere around us.

A devotee passes through three stages of life. Initially, he wants worldly objects. As he becomes more mature, he wants to end his suffering and finally, he becomes choiceless. He wants nothing. He is loving for the sake of love. He offers everything to God. A train that carries you will also carry your belongings from one place to another. Similarly, the divine power that is running the Universe from the eons will also take care of your life. Don't worry and surrender the outcomes of uncontrolled events to him.

Conclusion: Support is necessary for a small plant to grow. Similarly, idol worship is important for a spiritual aspirant in the early stages of life. By following the right spiritual practices, one starts seeing God and uncovers the divinity within him. A spiritual seeker is not buoyed up by praise and cast down by an insult. He is not running after the pleasure and avoids pain but lets things come and go as they happen. An equal regard for friend or foe, neither grieves nor has lust for anything. In the final stage, he becomes one with everything.

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Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash

Maximum Bang for a Buck

Harry and Linda were living in a small village. They earned their living by catching fish from a river. Both of them worked for 8 hours a day. The difference in their lives depends on what they did during the 8 hours. Harry spent 8 hours catching fish and by the end of the day, he caught 8 fish. On the other hand, Linda spent 6 hours catching fish and the remaining 2 hours to make a net. By the end of the day, she caught 6 fish. As time progressed, she made the net and caught more fish in less amount of time. She caught 8 fish in 4 hours and spent the remaining time making a boat to further enhance her productivity. Linda had a deep understanding of a universal force which led her to boost productivity.

Okay! Okay! I understand your concerns about the universal force hidden in the story but let's first discuss some golden nuggets of the parable.

1. Cultivate the habit of delaying gratification which means sacrificing the present for a better future. Keep your eyes on the bigger goal. The right approach to a happy life is to embrace long-term thinking.

2. Linda has leverage over Harry by making a net. She was able to achieve more by doing less amount of work.

3. Don't become complacent even if you are getting good results. Keep innovating, keep learning, and always hunt for better approaches to do a relevant task. The best results come to those who are obsessed with self-improvement.

Hey smart readers! Did you notice the word leverage? What does it signify?

Leverage is the idea of gaining a substantial amount of output by putting in a small amount of input. The idea of leverage came from physics and was used by the Greeks to move large stones by putting a minuscule muscular force. It is one of the simplest yet innovative inventions.

How does it work? What makes it move heavy objects by putting small force?

A lever is a machine that consists of a bar, fulcrum(Center), moving weight, and the moved weight. By adjusting the center of a fulcrum, a small weight over a large distance is capable of lifting a large weight over a small distance.

Mathematically,

(Heavy Object) / (Distance of small object from the fulcrum ) = (Small Weight) / (Distance of large object from the fulcrum)

The great ideas have enormous reach. They can be applied to solve problems beyond those they are created to solve. The idea of leverage is not confined to lifting heavy weights. It is also applicable to human energy. In Physics, leverage means to lift heavy objects by putting a small amount of force. In human endeavors, leverage means getting maximum productivity by doing a small amount of work. The human brain has evolved to conserve energy. Humans have limited energy and they intend to yield the maximum return per unit of energy spent.

Give me a place to stand, and a lever long enough, and I will move the world. Archimedes

The Pareto Principle is a close cousin of leverage. The idea of the Pareto principle was given by the Italian Polymath Vilfredo Pareto. He was a man of keen observation. In his garden, he observed that 80% of the peas are harvested from 20% of the pea pods. By extending the 80/20 rule to the other areas of his life, he observed that 80% of the wealth was occupied by 20% of the citizens of Italy, 80% of the revenue of any business is generated by the 20% of the clients, 80% of the returns come from the 20% of the stocks, 80% of the clients use 20% of the features of the product, etc.

According to the Pareto principle, 80% of the results are roughly achieved by 20% of the activities. Therefore, focusing on those 20% of the activities gives leverage to reap the maximum benefit. The Pareto principle describes the relationship between input and output which is 20:80. Power law is an acute form of the Pareto principle where the relationship between input and output is 1:99.

Let's understand the Power law with the help of an example.

Do you know that the annual loss caused by the Earthquake is 5.7 billion dollars?

What is the average loss incurred by an Earthquake?

Make a rough guess.

If you are like me you would say it's a couple of million dollars. But surprisingly! the answer is 10,000$. The total number of Earthquakes that occurred in a year excluding the ones that can't be detected by instruments is 5,00,000. The events are not evenly distributed is the core insight of Power law. It is also known as winner takes all advantages.

Why is it known that the winner takes all the advantages?

Let's understand it with the help of real-world examples. Before digitalization, one newspaper was circulated in all the major cities. Initially, the newspaper which has better circulation than others is approached by the advertisers. People are inclined towards those newspapers that have more number of advertisements. It in turn attracted more advertisers because it is popular among people. The entire process creates a positive feedback loop. Therefore, in most businesses, the players who move first will take all the advantages.

A similar pattern is observed in schools, Universities, and Industries. When any student or teacher encounters any problem, they approach the guy who is slightly better than others. He pushes and stretches himself outside of his comfort zone to solve the challenge. He becomes better and more smarter in the process. As word of mouth spreads, more and more people approach him thereby creating a positive feedback loop for his intellectual growth. That is why, 20% of the people enjoy 80% of the opportunities in schools, colleges, and organizations.

The social media apps work on the same principle. Once any social media app crosses a certain threshold, more people will sign up to avail of the services provided by the application. It becomes impossible for people to switch to other products because all their friends and relatives are already on the same platform. Hence, companies create monopolies and it becomes impossible for their competitors to wipe them out of the market.

The rare occurrences that have a significant impact on our lives are known as Black Swan events. This term is given by Nassim Taleb a well-known author popular for his Incerto series. Black Swan events are very significant in the contemporary world.

Pasteur said, like all great discoverers, he knew something about accidental discoveries. The best way to get maximal exposure is to keep researching. Collect opportunities. Nassim Taleb

In hunter-gatherer societies, the things stayed around the mean. When a hunter came across a deer, it was either taller or shorter, thicker or thinner. The world was linear in those times. The modern world is Non-Linear. The handful of actions will increase one's wealth by a factor of 10,000. For example, winning the first prize in the Dream 11 Mycircle app. It is generally said that 40% of the revenue of the directors came from a single film. As the adage goes, 99% of the effort is wasted but we don't know which 1% will create the significant impact on our life. Mark Zuckerberg created other products before Facebook became a hit, J K Rowling had published many novels before Harry Potter became a best-selling book.

How to live a meaningful life?

Ride on the positive black swan events where inputs are highly non-linear to output like writing a book, creating a podcast, or a piece of art, etc. Don't shy away from failures, learn from them. Keep planting seeds so that they become acorns later in life. Avoid negative black swan events like debt, bad marriage, jail, drugs, etc. where the possibility of going wrong will wipe you out from the game.

So far, we have discussed Leverage, Pareto Principle, and Power law. It's time to apply them to improve our lives.

Decision-Making: People mistakenly think that their energy level remains the same throughout the day. The energy is not evenly distributed across the day. 20% of the hours gives 80% of the productivity. A healthy human being takes 8 hours of sleep. As per the Pareto principle, 3 hours(20% of 16) of work produces 80% of the output.

Which three hours among the sixteen hours give the most productivity?

Productivity increases when the glucose level is highest in our body. Glucose will be replenished after getting a good night's sleep. It enables a person to think clearly. Therefore, tackle the most important task in the morning. When the day progresses, the glucose level will keep on dipping as we confront more and more challenges. The energy level is lowest in the evening and we need a full night's rest to replenish the glucose of our body. Don't take any big decisions in the evening.

It is not a shortage of time that should worry us, but the tendency for the majority of time to be spent in low-quality ways. Richard Koch

Elite people like Barrack Obama, Andrew Ng, etc. wear the same dress every day. They don't spend their energy on menial decisions. They spend it on those areas that will create a significant impact in their lives. If you care more about your looks, then assign each dress to each day of the week and save your energy for the important tasks.

Exercise: It is very essential for our mental and physical health. It is a natural medicine to cope with contemporary stress. A healthy man wants many things but a sick man wants only one thing i.e. health. A man wants a fit body, a calm mind, and a heart full of love. Exercise produces chemicals like serotonin in our brain which makes us feel good.

How to do an exercise optimally?

People reap the maximum benefits of exercise when they start feeling discomfort. Spending two hours in your comfort zone won't yield substantial results. The intense 30 minutes in discomfort can yield enormous results. Don't push too much to avoid injuries. Listen to your body and spend an extra minute beyond a threshold. The time spent(20%) beyond the threshold has the potential to bring about(80%) of the results.

Finance: Let's understand the concept of leverage with the help of an example.

Case 1: Suppose you bought an asset worth 10,000$. The 10% increase in the value of an asset brings you a profit of 100$. Similarly, the 10% decrease in the value of an asset makes you lose 100$. But you still have 9,900$ with you.

Case 2: You have 10,000$ in your pocket and you borrow 90,000$ from your friends, relatives, and banks. You bought an asset of 100000 $.

Leverage Ratio = (Asset) / (Equity) = 10

Return = Percentage of Rise/Fall * Leverage Ratio.

Assume the price of an asset is increased by 10%. The 10% rise will give you a return of 100%. You returned 90,000$ to the friends, relatives, and banks. Now you have 20,000$ in your pocket.

Assume the price of an asset is decreased by 10%. The 10% decrease results in a total loss of capital. You are left with 0 $ in your pocket.

Now assume the price of an asset is decreased by 20%. The 20% dip will give you a return of -200%. You lost your money, and owe 10,000$ to your friends, relatives, and banks.

How much fall in value wipes you out of the game?

1/(Leverage Ratio)

If Leverage Ratio is 10 then a 10% fall in the value of an asset results in the permanent loss of capital. For a 20% leverage ratio, a 5 % fall is enough to wipe you out of the game.

If you are leveraged five times your capital, a 20% move in your preferred direction can double your capital, but a similar move in the opposite direction can wipe you out. Naveed Abdali

Leverage in finance means putting a small amount of capital( Small weight) by taking a huge debt( a large distance from the bar) will help you to earn a large amount(Heavy weight) over a short distance(by returning the debt). Without leverage, a 10% increase in the value of an asset helps you to earn a very small amount(100$) in case 1 whereas with leverage, a 10% rise in the value of an asset will help you to earn 10,000$ in case 2. The situation looks scary in case of a fall. However, the crux is to reap the benefits of leverage if and only if the odds are highly in your favor.

Conclusion: The essence of the leverage, Pareto Principle, and Power law is to understand the opportunity costs of our actions. The time spent on pursuing an activity can't be spent simultaneously on other activities. When we say yes to one thing, we simultaneously say no to a hundred other things. Time is our most precious resource. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. Be highly specific to whom you are saying yes. Trade money for time not vice-versa.

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